Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
