She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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