everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
