We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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