Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
