Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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