"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
