You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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