Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
