I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
