My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
