I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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