i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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