Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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