We named our party play list daddy issues
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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