The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
