Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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