i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
