Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
