She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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