On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
