So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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