at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
