if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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