Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
