I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
