The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize