Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
