If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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