some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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