I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
