I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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