this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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