Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
