Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
