i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
