Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
