2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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