I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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