Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
