So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
