remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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