I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
