its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
