we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
