dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
