you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
