I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
