My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
