I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
