I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
