So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
