yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
