the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
