if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
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im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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