Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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