Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
