And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
