i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
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I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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