I think I am morally bankrupt
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
