were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
