That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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