You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
