Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
