Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
