last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
