he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
