Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
